I suppose that most people struggle with the question, "Why do I exist?". For me, I had the same nagging question in my mind since I was eight years old.
Yup. Eight years old.
I was not trying to be philosophical at such an early age, and certainly not looking for profound explanations for my existence. (I would say that for the most part, I'm a laid-back person, sometimes even shallow, rarely bogged down by mind-shattering, earth-shaking concepts. If I didn't have an answer to a question, I just brushed it off and went on with my life.) No, the reason why I had asked that question was, I was puzzled at the fact that I had cousins in the States who were born there and grew up there, and I was born in the Philippines and grew up in the Philippines. And as a child, I grew up thinking that life seemed to be a lot better in the States - my cousins had prettier things, more durable toys, etc. At the age of eight, I was wondering, well, why wasn't I born in the States?
I was not an inquisitive child, so I kept that question to myself and mulled over it for several years. I tried to answer it in various ways (my parents decided to stay in the Philippines; it's God's will; I have a purpose here, etc). Finally, I grew tired of answering that question (as nothing seemed to satisfy me), and just placed it in the back burner.
Until today.
It was another rainy day in Silverdale. My husband, Rupert, just came back from his night shift, and we were hurrying to get ready for church. We go to a church named Coram Deo - really good church with solid sermons and gospel preaching. We're about to wrap up the First John series and I'm a little excited how Pastor Jon will address the last verse: Little children, keep yourselves from idols. (1 John 5:21).
He started analyzing the verse (word for word - remember, the verse is only six words), expounding on why we are God's dear children and how we are to be confident in this status. Okay, I got that. I started listening more closely when we got to the "idols" part. Having grown up in the church, I know what idols are - persons/things that take the place of the one true God. However, Pastor Jon took that statement and asked further, "Well, what is the place of God?" I started to ponder in my heart, well, what IS the place of God in my life? Is He the subject of my worship? Or my last resort? Before I could further reflect on this, we were led to these two verses, which I probably have heard many times before, but just glossed over:
1) For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth. For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it ot them. For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse. For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Claiming to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things. (Romans 1:18-23, ESV)
2) And he made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place, that they should seek God, in the hope that they might feel their way toward him and find him. Yet he is actually not far from each one of us.. (Acts, 17: 26-27, ESV)
Regarding the first verse and linking it to idolatry, two things come to mind. One, God has made Himself known to us through Jesus Christ, but because of sin, we turn away from God (we are like this by nature and by choice). Two, even if we know God, we fail to honor Him; instead, we substitute his glory for less satisfying little gods or functional saviors (money, sex, "inner peace", reputation, home improvement projects, etc). We've all fallen into this trap, more than once, probably me more than other people. Some of the idols in our lives are actually good things - a good marriage, a well-respected family, stable jobs. These are all good stuff, right? But if we set our hearts into these things more than we set our hearts on following God's lead, then they become idols. Suddenly, we'll fill this void in our hearts and think that life will not be complete if I'm not married, or don't have children, or don't have a reputable job. Suddenly, we become preoccupied by looking beautiful (so that our friends will love us), or please people (so that people will love us), or tithe more (so that our "Christian" friends will approve of us). It's amazing how quickly the pressure mounts to be perfect all the time, when deep inside we know that we just can't do it.
I've identified idols in my life - those that blind my eyes from seeing the true glory of God. I'm continuing to pray that the Holy Spirit will keep my eyes on Jesus and help me crush these idols.
The second verse actually became more personal for me, as it really has given the clearest answer to my decades-long question on our existence. It basically says that God has appointed each one of us to be in a certain place at a certain time so that we should seek Him. How true in my case. I lived in the Philippines for almost all my life, went to church there, participated in youth camps, even taught Sunday school at one time, but I never quite understood the impact of Jesus' accomplishment on the cross, until I came here in the States and started going to Mars Hill Church in Seattle. There, the Holy Spirit just found me and convicted me. I am forever grateful for my mentors in Manila for giving me head knowledge of the Bible and Christianity, but it was not until here in the US really that I began to put things together. While I was listening to today's sermon, I thought about the simplicity of the whole thing, and how straightforward it suddenly becomes once the Holy Spirit gives you the answer. We're not here by some sort of weird chance, a product of random chaos. We're here because God appointed us to be here so that we can live for Him. It's as simple as that.
Finally, I can lay this question to rest. Thank you Jesus.
Great post :)
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